Our nature is to learn, grow, expand. To search endlessly for people, experiences, things that help us achieve that growth. Our subconscious natures lead us to these moments of potential growth for the very purpose of peeling back layers, chiseling at the hard marble-like exterior of our identities, erasing the lines we've drawn around ourselves, exposing our very centers. From this naked space, we learn, grow, expand.
I let the excess fall away from my form and blank space fill up the pages. I like the opportunity it provides. The freeing notion that despite the lines I make and the curves I etch, gentle gnawings of growth will always return the pages to their natural, naked state.
She was becoming herself and daily casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment with which to appear before the world.
- Kate Chopin, The Awakening
I remember that feeling well. Securing the heavy cloth of "normalcy" on my shoulders as I left for my administrative job, a drooping heaviness, slowly gathering weight throughout the day. My heart ached with strained discontentment. I felt like a fraud. A failure. Incapable of fulfilling ideals of where and who I should be, ought to be, by age 25.
I had forgotten what I loved and craved, the hobbies and passions I possessed. I forgot how to flow with life, with my nature, with my strengths. Read more
This life of mine has not
been a series of happenings buoyant with balance and ease. I have come to realize that I'm not really accustomed to balance.
I wonder: maybe my nature craves the topsy-turvy messes I create, maybe I love the sloppy and haphazard way of things, maybe it keeps them free.
There's a reason why there are so many cultural and religious mythologies surrounding the coming of the full moon. Not only is Luna magnificent to witness in her bright, swelling mass, but she possesses power over the water of the earth. Her magnetic gravity pulls world's oceans and waters toward her, altering the tides. In her power over the water, she holds a certain grasp on humans as well, as we are approximately 65% water. This magnetic pull influences many people, from emotional issues to personal perspectives, to emergency room influxes and feminine cycles harmonizing with the lunar cycle.
As a child I daydreamed about living in the endless woods behind my house. The notion of living with the land and creatures, to be enveloped in the greatness of Mother Earth, gripped me and sparked my imagination.
My family instilled these values in me and I was lucky to spent many weekends camping, fishing, and canoeing with my family. Highlights of my childhood consisted of: watching my father build fires, return the smaller fish back into the river, and teach me how to canoe; my mother, a petite and powerful woman showing me how to pitch a tent and gently appreciate all creatures from bull frogs and salamanders to deer and foxes; convincing my step-dad to help me build a teepee in the flush forest behind my house, where well-worn Mexican blankets covered the small circular dirt floor and just outside of the teepee entrance I carefully shaped old bricks into a makeshift fireplace.
It's been a month since I returned home from a year in Thailand. My homecoming was emotional, full of reunions, shocks of cultural differences
, and the foreign sensation of stability that only "home" can provide. I spent the first few weeks continuing my adventure by exchanging my 70 liter backpack for my lavender duffel bag, plane tickets for the Greyhound, and a constant companion for traveling solo. My fears of coming home
to stagnation were most certainly cured by days filled with traveling, visiting loved ones, celebrating graduations, or the overwhelming task of unpacking. However, I soon began to notice a pattern in my swarm of activities: they were non-stop. Read more
In 7 days I'll be on a plane flying back west, back home. Part of me is craving the comforts and familiarity: I miss my loved ones, endless variations of vegan food, the warm earthy scents of home, the softness of my bed, the ease of being surrounded by a culture I know and understand.